Chance of a Lifetime

Fortune cookies are great. I’ve kept a few of the best ones over the years. My favorite is; “You’ve been given the chance of a lifetime. Say yes!”

What a great reminder. Often I say no. Usually with what seems like a good reason. Fear of failure, lack of finances, thinking that I should do something else instead (something more responsible).

I kept this fortune to remind me to say “yes” to life. To take a gamble, to risk.

Some days the chance of a lifetime is a sunny day. I “should” stay inside and cook, or clean, or research something for work, or . . . . But this beautiful day is offering me a chance to explore outside. I often see life as a series of tasks to complete. What if some days I threw away the TO DO list and just said yes to life? What if I let go of the need to have everything clean and perfect? Oh, that’s a scary thought for this Type A, anal retentive person. I want to practice saying yes to the opportunities that come my way.

Silence

Sitting at home today I realized it has been too long since I have been surrounded by silence. There’s always outside noise around me; TV, radio, kids at work. Most of the time I’m the one turning on the intruding sounds. It’s easier to leave the TV on in the background than to listen to my own thoughts swirl around. Safer to turn up the radio and keep difficult memories at bay. Memories of friends now gone, or friendships dissolved. Flashbacks of mistakes made throughout the day. Visions and dreams of what life could be (but isn’t).

Why is it so scary to just sit in silence?

Infomercial-ism

Lately I've been intrigued by infomercials. Currently I'm watching one on a device that cracks eggs for you. Wow. Before watching this I wasn't aware that cracking eggs with my own hands was such a chore!

My favorite part of infomercials is where they describe the problem. (Or try to convince us that we have a problem.) Usually this part is in black-and-white, and the camera angle is all crazy.

Then comes the solution. It's amazing how these commercials promise to make all your problems disappear immediately. If you purchase this product you will be happy and successful. And of course there's the message that we all deserve to have perfect and trouble free lives.

Such a commentary on our society. We (and I include myself here) often think we deserve life to be perfect, and look for things that will solve our problems immediately with little or no effort on our part. This is seen most easily with the weight-loss and exercise equipment adds. "In only 10 minutes a day," "See results right away." Seems silly when (in my experience) most meaningful change happens through gradual progress and hard work.

I often feel "infomercial-ism" creep in where I start to think that I deserve life to be perfect, and that results should be immediate. (Don't get me wrong here, I don't think infomercials are the problem, just a symbol of how we think).

That's all I have to say. Any thoughts?

Alone.

Have you ever been so lonely it ached? Have you ever wanted to feel loved and to belong so much that you thought you might die if you weren't? I often feel that way, today is one of those days. I hesitate to even write this because it is such a strong feeling. The loneliness doesn't come from lack of loving people around me. I have been blessed with amazing family and friends who accept and welcome me with open arms. Somehow I still rarely feel that I belong in that community, that I even deserve to be in their presence.

Today some dear friends invited me into their home for their family Easter celebration. They invited me whole-heartedly and welcomed me as if I was family (big bear hugs and all). Their extended family welcomed me as well. Still a voice whispered to me that I didn't belong. That I could never fit in. That I am only a burden. That my only fate is to be alone. Sometimes the loneliest times are when other people are around and that voice whispers.

Ironic that this feeling is so strong today, as it is also the day we celebrate Easter. "Because Christ died, God has brought you back to himself." (Colossians 1:22, NIRV).

"You are the body of Christ. Each one of you is a part of it." (I Corinthians 12:27).

"Brothers and sisters, you are loved by God. We know that he has chosen you." (I Thessalonians 1: 4).

I have heard these things my whole life, and believe them in my head. I believe them for other people too, but my heart can't accept that I am included in the promises. Dare I hope for anything different?

(Apologies if this is too much, but I promised to be honest here. Today, posting this, I am being brave in my own little way.)