Words Matter

“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Bullshit. Balderdash. Hogwash. Baloney. Bunk. Nonsense.

Story to prove the point:

Historically the self-talk within this here gal’s head was comprised of mainly negative words and derogatory statements in continuous loop. All day I would listen to things like . . . . . . on second thought, no. Not going into specifics here. I threw away that tape for a reason. You probably have sufficient imagination to think of the worst things you’ve ever thought or said about someone and that will give you a good idea of the constant dialogue. Dark and deadly phrases morning, noon, and night. Bottom line: not good. And guess what? I was depressed, shocking I know.

Still not sure how, but slowly my inner self has lost the bitchy oppressive tone and has become a friendly cheerleader. (I suspect that all of my awesome cheerleader friends and family are a part of that. Big shout out to y'all, I think you know who you are). Ready to ‘guess what’ again? Life is brighter now.

It’s still surprising to hear the new-and-improved Toni-talk. Nice, but surprising. The other day I actually had a Good Will Hunting moment (you know the one, where the Robin Williams character is telling Will that it’s not his fault over and over and Will starts crying?). I heard myself say in a tough moment; “You’re ok, and there’s nothing wrong with you. You can do this.” and I started to cry. (Unfortunately I was in the middle of my work day so in spite of it being an amazing breakthrough self-therapy moment it was also a bit embarrassing). Wow. Complete 180° turn. It’s amazing how I can handle life better just by hearing encouraging words. Hearing it from others is great and so greatly needed. But other people cannot be around all the time, and words in my head never go away.

What’s yourself telling your self today? If you need a cheerleader give me a call, and hope you can hear your own encouragement as well. Whatever it is you’re going through, you can do it!

Climbing Mountains

Do you ever feel like you sit around dreaming of things but never get out there and do anything about it? I sure have. For a long time. The past couple of years have been different though. Finally tired of sitting on the sidelines playing wallflower it has been time to get out there and reach for those dreams. While not all of the efforts have played out as hoped, every attempt has been worth it.

One of my long-time dreams is climbing Mount Rainier. Have loved the mountain for as long as I can remember. Growing up in full view (barring cloudy days) of the magnificent 14,410 foot mountain was the initial inspiration. Even when I moved away I always carried images of the mountain with me, both literally and figuratively. In fact, when I arrived at college it turns out I only took one photograph with me, one of the mountain. Fortunately my gracious parents sent along photos of friends and family later (and didn't give me too hard of a time for forgetting them). Getting back into hiking recently re-ignited the desire to climb. Recently I stumbled upon a way to make this happen (contacts and information obtained from reaching for other dreams were partially to thank for this stumble).

Many steps to take in training and fundraising before I can actually find myself on the summit. Plan is to keep moving forward one step at a time. Hopefully I can transfer that concept, and climb many mountains (actual and mental) in this lifetime.

(And if you're interested in joining the team (I think there are a few spots left), or in donating toward my fundraising goal check out my American Lung Association page here).

Silver Falls

Silver Falls rocked my world today. Well, maybe that's not entirely accurate. My world has been a little shaky lately, so maybe it calmed my world. Or maybe it rocked my world in perfect counter-frequency to the original rocking to produce stasis. Anyhoo, way off track.

Why did Silver Falls make my day you ask? Let me tell you!

1) Amazing and awe inspiring beauty. The kind that makes you kind of sad because it's so perfect.

2) Raging waterfalls and serene streams perfectly matched the dichotomy of my own soul.

3) Quality play-time with my camera.

4) Out in nature--best place for healing and finding ones place in the world.

5) Weather! It was all on display today from sun to fog, rain, snow, hail.

Which brings me to the next few points:

6) An out-and-back trail, but the new dusting of snow made everything seem brand new on the return trip.

North Falls on the way out . . .

and back.

7) Nothing like difficult weather to bring out camaraderie on the trail. Greeting everyone with a smile that says; "Hi there friend, isn't this fun being crazy here together?"

8) "The woods are lovely dark and deep."

Walking alone in a silent snowy forest had me quoting Robert Frost to the trees.

9) Sunset drive home. Sure it distracted me to the point of almost running off the road a few times, but that's the price you pay for beautiful scenery.

10) Seven hours escape from reality. Memories will get me through this next week.